Faith mingled with Failure

  • Are you a Christian parent homeschooling your children with an emphasis on developing their faith?
  • Are you teaching your young children about Jesus with a confident hope and expectation that they will come to faith?
  • Are you a Christian parent with a teen that has chosen to resist, refuse, rebel against your Christian values?
  • Are any of your children in a place of compromise, delaying to make their decision to follow Christ?
  • Have you parented as a Christian full of faith, but serve a prodigal child, teen or young adult?
  • Do you need encouragement to parent and homeschool the Gospel message in your home into a faith-reality?

Join Wendy and Shirley of Footprints On Our Land, and Linda and myself, four veteran homeschool moms, encouraging you to homeschool with confidence in our next livestream ~ www.quicket.co.za/events/147771-christian-homeschooling

If you missed this webinar, please email Wendy Young at gaviny@mweb.co.za to obtain the details to pay for the link to the recording.

We are all moms who have precious messages carved into the clay of our lives; our parenting has been sown in tears, watered with repentance, lifted to the Lord for mercy, offered in surrender and expressed with sorrow and joy mixed together.  And the comfort we received, we now would love to share to comfort others.

If you are a Christian parent and you see homeschooling as an extension of your parenting, then this livestream is for you. We are taking an atypical approach by sharing the real side of parenting children who struggle with their sin natures and how we can shepherd them to the Cross where they can make their choice.

Book your ticket at Quicket, and if you cannot make it on the night, you will still get access to the recording.

Blessings and grace, Nadene

The Power of a Reset

Everyone has their bad days and everyone feels overwhelmed at times. It could be frustration with too much mess, too much noise, demands, difficulties, moods, sibling issues, struggles with skills, uncertainty, interruptions, urgent problems, breakdowns, bad weather, power outages, falling behind schedule, distractions … but there is a wonderful way to save the day — Press your RESET! I wrote about it before – Practical Tip – Reset

How to reset?

  1. Pause – call a break. Take a deep breath.
  2. Switch – to another subject or start a new activity.
  3. Move – do something fun! Move, dance, jump on the mini-trampoline, run around the garden, skip.
  4. Regroup ~ food, touch, talk, laugh, music

Here some ways to reset the moment:

In our home, when someone was in tears, or my voice was rising in frustration, I may have said, “Kids, we need a moment to reset and try again. Can we all take a moment and …”

  • Fresh Air
    • It is amazing how quickly we can regain our perspective when we go outdoors.
    • Get outside.
    • Go for a walk.
    • Let the children play, skip, run.
    • A nature walk is a wonderful outdoor activity.
    • Even a cup of tea sitting on the porch or on the back steps to the garden is more refreshing.
  • Fun activity
    • Play Scrabble, or Bananagrams
    • add variety to school subjects
    • YouTube videos on the topic are a wonderful moment of relief and reset.
  • Sing – Geography songs, Bible songs, Action songs, rap and pop songs (that are suitable)
  • Music – An upbeat song or soundtrack changes everyone’s mood. We have “clean house” soundtracks. Nowadays it is so easy with Spotify, but back in the day when my kids were teens, they made compilation CDs to play while we cleaned house.
  • Clean up & pack away – Physically clear the space to reset the next activity and let it be fun, positive saying, “Yes! Of course, we can do art/ …. Let’s quickly pack away all the books and papers while I mix the paint.” Often, while my young kids played outside or ate a snack, I scooped the toys into the drawers or baskets and cleared the floor for the next activity. Most moms feel better when the clutter is under control, so stop for a reset when you start to feel overwhelmed.
  • Change rooms or places
    • Do a lesson outdoors, read aloud under the tree or do narrations in a sunny spot.
    • Some kids feel better lying down, cuddled up, in soft lighting, in cool air.
    • A different venue often resets attitudes and moods.
  • Routines – Meal times, bath time, bedtime are all regular rhythms in our day. Focus on the next routine and build better habits and prompts. Keep things simple and avoid too many extra-mural activities.
  • Timer – It is amazing how much we can do in 10 minutes! Set a timer and encourage everyone to do their best for that time. Often, when the problem is too big, it is best to break it into smaller, more manageable tasks. Charlotte Mason encouraged short, sweet lessons. Use an app on your phones and computers to visually and audibly time activities.
  • Regroup – Build loving relationships with the 5 love languages =
    • Spend some quality time together listening & talking
    • Do an act of service for a family member
    • Make some simple but thoughtful gift for each other.
    • Make a favourite meal, bake a treat, celebrate the moment with a special table setting, candles, flowers and music.
    • Reaffirm with words of affection and encouragement and specific praise.
    • Physical affection, tickle or wrestle your children, cuddle them, even those cool and aloof teens!
    • Tell jokes and remember silly moments and laugh together.

“I think it is extremely important in building a foundation for your homeschool and relationship with your child. We are all sinners and there are just going to be bad days full of short tempers, bad attitudes, and frustration. Instead of throwing up our hands and quitting – choose to teach your kids how to resolve conflict, how to listen, and how to communicate with love!”

Lauren ~ The Simple Homeschooler

As a wife, mother and woman of confidence, reset your days and nights with healthy activities that start and end your days. To begin, focus on ending well and set up the next day before you go to bed. Reset your home with a tidy lounge, a clean kitchen, a prepared school plan and study area, a menu plan will make the new day flow with simplicity and ease. Nothing is worse than starting the new day already overwhelmed with mess and clutter from the day before!

Reset your attitude with prayer, gratitude and journaling, stretching. Ask the Lord for grace and wisdom, strength and courage, faith and forgiveness. Pray blessings over the people, the problem and the purpose. Ask for a simple strategy and a way of understanding, a shifted perspective, a simple word of truth. Journal and find your help in the ways that the Lord gives you.

Check if you have unrealistic expectations. Make allowances for age & stage issues, immaturity, illness, fatigue, changes, crisis, etc. Remember that most of this is small and temporary and all this will eventually fade and pass. Avoid having a fatalistic mindset and please don’t make big decisions in this mode.

Begin again in hope.  Just start small, work slowly and keep moving towards your expectations.  Don’t give up! Life is full of fresh beginnings and new, clean slates. The Lord is so gracious and meets us with fresh mercy and grace each morning! 

Please comment and share how you reset your days.

Blessings and much grace, Nadene

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3 Things To Keep In Mind

Recently Wendy and Shirley shared on their Footprints Instagram page 3 things to keep in mind if you are concerned about your child’s learning progress ~

These are the questions from concerned parents that often come up ~

• How do I know that my child is not behind?
• What if my curriculum has gaps?
• My (mom/aunt/husband) says my children should be (reading/doing division etc.) by now?

Here are Wendy & Shirley’s 3 things to keep in mind:

1. Comparing your homeschooling with the school system is counter-productive. You are not in that system.
2. You are giving your children a customized education.
3. You are neither behind nor ahead because you are not on the same path!

@footprintsonourland

I would like to share my encouragement to parents who may also be asking these questions —

  1. The school system versus homeschool:

Homeschooling offers parents the freedom to follow each child’s pace and interest which no school system can effectively do. For the average child in school, this may not seem to matter, but any gifted or struggling child will probably “fall through the cracks” of the system.

In most schools, classes are large and the student-to-teacher ratios are about 1:37 for primary schools. Very few classes offer any differentiation or remedial help, and so all learners are expected to meet the same results with the “cookie-cutter” approach. Children who struggle or who are bored often are labelled and this can be damaging to their self image.

As a professional senior primary school teacher with 10 years of teaching experience, there were many years where we could not complete everything on our year plans. There are always gaps because you cannot teach “everything”. There is no perfect or complete curriculum that can provide exactly what every child in the class requires. Remember that children in a classroom are not all ready to learn all at the same time.

Teachers are constantly under pressure to perform and they stress to try catch up, push struggling children through, try to force learning, teach their students for tests and exams rather than to ignite a love to learn and stimulate a child’s natural curiosity. Teachers are compelled to do tests and exams to establish each child’s measured ability. They are expected to evaluate a child’s understanding based on these academic standards.

2. A customized tailor-made education:

The simplest homeschooling, where the parent is mindful of each child’s age, stage and ability, will offer a far more effective education, no matter what exact curriculum they follow, than any professional school teacher can give your child. You are able to tailor-make each child’s curriculum, perfectly suited to their learning style and interest. Parents do not need to tests or do exams because you are one-on-one with your child and can almost instantly assess your child’s progress and mastery.

For new homeschool parents I would recommend you follow a good, practical Maths program and use a suitable phonics program for each child. For the rest, Living books and child-lead interest research will provide rest of the subjects such as Bible study, History, Geography, Social Studies, Biology and Science.

3. You are on your own path:

Every family has its own unique flavour and ethos. Please don’t underestimate the power of reading aloud to your children. Spend quality time talking together about life, issues and experiences! Your children will enjoy a wide, rich and meaningful education.

I pray that you homeschool your children with peace of mind. May you rest in the knowledge that you are providing the best for your family, however unique it may appear.

Blessings, Nadene

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Been There Done That – Ask The Experts – Free Livestream

If you could have 3 homeschool mom’s who have homeschooled their joint 13 children “all the way” around for tea, what would you ask them?

What would you want to talk about, because we have “Been There. Done That“?

I’m no expert, but experience has taught me a lot, and over the years, my approach and attitude to homeschooling has changed as I have adapted to each child and season in their lives. Do you have these or similar questions?

  • How do I teach my child to read?
  • What does a Charlotte Mason education mean?
  • What are the best read aloud books?
  • How do I help a despondent child?
  • My teen needs help and direction, help!?
  • We just can’t get maths to stick!
  • When do I get time for me?
  • My kids squabble all the time, please give me tips!
  • How do I build an eclectic education style?
  • What are our school leaving options?

Well, here’s your chance! Join Shirley ErweeWendy Young and myself, Nadene Esterhuizen, on the 28th April at 7:30pm for an hour of Ask the Experts.

Booking is free at Quicket – https://www.quicket.co.za/…/137828-been-there-done-that-ask-the-experts#/

Looking forward to meeting you all there!
Blessings, Nadene

New to Homeschooling?

With the Covid-19 pandemic, many families have been doing school-at-home.  And with lifestyle changes, many families are now deciding to homeschool their children rather than send them back to school.  So there are many parents just starting out and most feel very insecure.  May I encourage you not to rush, but to spend a little more time looking at your options with a little wider perspective?

I wrote a post Starting but overwhelmed by choice and I would love to remind parents ~

“Take a deep breath …. let it out slowly … and relax.  This process is like planning a wonderful overseas journey with your entire family, and your planning may take weeks or months to refine and finalize before you leap on to the plane and take off!

Here are a few extracts ~

  • Pray and wait on the Lord to show you what His vision is for you, your family and your child.
  • Visit other homeschooling families to see what they are using.
  • Read good homeschooling books.
  • Research the Internet to look at different approaches, learning and teaching styles, costs, times and schedules
  • Follow your heart and be led by peace. 
  • Consider your own teaching and parenting styles.
  • Please don’t buy expensive “bells-and-whistles” boxed curriculum for each child.  Find something simple that all your kids can enjoy together and ease into your formal schooling gently.
  • This is a journey and will change and evolve.  Nothing is cast in stone.

In another post Starting School Those First Days I shared these tips ~

  • Just start slowly.
  • Don’t try to do the complete schedule or every subject.
  • Go gently and ease into your schooling.

And lastly, in a post Routine versus Schedule, I shared the difference between schedule  versus routine ~

schedule tells you what to do and when to do it.  It is usually filled with times, lists, blocks, and boxes to tick off.

routine is a pattern by which you live. It gives structure and order to your day, but it doesn’t dictate exactly when things should be done. It allows you to find a flow that works for you on the day you happen to be living.

  1. Decide what is really important for you and your family.
  2. Find the time-flow for your family.  Are you early risers or slow-mornings kind of people? Build your rhythm around what you will more naturally manage.
  3. Identify your important daily events which form pillars such as chores, meals, exercise, sport, family time.
  4. Create habits and build them around important daily events mentioned above.
  5. Be flexible. If your routine isn’t clicking and something feels off, adapt or change it.
  6. Offer options and extras such as different Themes for each day.
  7. Add freedom and create space for your children to explore their gifts, passions, interests and talents.

This journey is going to be amazing!  Even if you have a “flat tire” or “delayed flight” along the way, relax, it is going to be the most wonderful adventure!

Sending you warm and reassuring hugs and my prayers for the Lord’s peace and grace to you in this new season of your lives!

 Blessings, Nadene
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Revisiting “Little House” and dress-up

During this global pandemic and our current nation-wide Covid-19 lockdown, we have enjoyed having our son, his wife and our gorgeous two little granddaughters come live with us on the farm.

Emma (5) and Kara (3)  have enjoyed spending time playing with me and I have found myself reliving my early homeschool and parenting days as we played with my daughter’s old toys and dress-up clothes that we took out of storage.

Currently, we are also enjoying watching the “Little House on the Prairies”  DVD series.  These stories are beautifully portrayed and moms and dads are also encouraged by the wonderful values and skills taught by Charles and Caroline Wilder to their children.

My daughter Lara when she was 6 years old

My little grandies, Emma and Kara love wearing their bonnets and calico aprons that I sewed for my three daughters over 15 years ago.  These simple dress-up clothes have served my children for years and they were adapted to suit many themes and eras in the stories I read aloud.

All my girls needed to act out scenes from stories in our living books were a long skirt, an apron and a bonnet.  They have happily played and re-enacted scenes from the Little House books as well as Anne of Green Gables, Little Princess, What Katie Did,  The Secret GardenPollyannaand Jane Austen stories!  I even made my younger daughter boned corsets for their dressing up.

I have shared several posts on encouraging your children’s freedom to play ~

Here are some of my Little House blog posts ~

Give your children something innocent and inspiring to focus on and act out.  They need the freedom to play and be creative.  Read aloud to them and then give them the time to be free to play.

Here’s wishing you and your family safe and happy moments in this unprecedented time.

Blessings, Nadene

Letter 27 – Creativity

As I reflect on my more than 23 years of homeschooling, I believe that creativity is the most wonderful gift you can give your children!   Here is the next letter to my younger self — Letter 27 ~ Creativity

These new collages are from images of our many creative moments over the years.  Warning ~ This post is chock-a-block full of links to previous creativity related posts; proof of my emphasis on creativity!  I recommend you bookmark this letter to come back to read all the links.)

Dear younger Nadene,

Your children’s happiest moments in homeschooling revolved around your creative approach which included frequent hands-on activities.  Realizing this joy, I want to urge you to provide daily creative opportunities such as arts & crafts and doing regular hands-on activities such as lapbooks, making models and paper projects, and allocate time for lots of dramatization.  Figure out how to fit in hands-on activities into your schedule, and these activities will become your children’s favourite homeschool memories.  Your Fabulous Fine Arts Fridays will save you and your children from burnout and stress! Over these years you will produce many creative projects.

Your children will create cute finger puppets for narrations, cut and colour Lego-punched dioramas for poetry, make models of Laura Ingalls’ Little House, dress up to act out their History narrations, re-create famous paintings in 3D, create their own sets of paper dolls.  Amazing mobiles will adorn your schoolroom for different themes and study topics. Every year you and your children will make puppet shows such as the Nativity Play and Esther play for Purim and their art will cover the walls in your home.

Your young children love to be creative every moment of the day!  In their free time, they love to dress up and you will even sew them boned corsets! You will make them a rag doll family to replace their Barbie dolls, and your middle daughter will use her skilled fine motor skills to create her own Polly pocket in a soap dish!

Join Sketch Tuesday and do art every week. There are so many advantages to sketching weekly! This simple weekly Sketch Tuesday activity will produce an enormous skill set and build confidence! Not only will it be the most welcome time of enjoyment and respite in your week, but it will offer regular opportunities to try new mediums and styles and your children will excel in all their artistic activities.

Because you provide them with a creative space and creative materials, they will also make jewellery and beautiful gifts.  Your daughters love creating beautiful flower arrangements. They will create beautiful rustic decor for their brother’s weddings.  Your daughters will become experts at home decor.  You will teach them all to sew and knit and your teenage daughters will start their own beautiful pyjama clothing range called La Lune

Your eldest daughter Tess will become an incredibly talented seamstress at just 15-years old, sewing dresses for weddings and Matric farewell functions.  She and her best friend will put on and host several fashion shows. When your daughter graduates, she will work in the hospitality industry for a season.  She will marry and her home will be filled with beauty and loveliness.  When they move Sedgefield, she will renovate and restore the old family seaside home into a lovely Airbnb.  Her homemaking, cooking and creativity will spill into every area of her life.

When your middle daughter Kate graduates, she will continue to create her own unique styled art, create professional designs and logos, and develop her digital art.  She will hone her photographic skills and assist her boyfriend Mathew with photography at weddings.  She will assist him in developing his website, his marketing and social media. Kate loves food and she will enjoy cooking Masterchef-type food!  She will become a singer and musician, teaching herself to play musical instruments.

Your youngest daughter Lara will do art every day.  Her Instagram feed is full of art, art and more beautiful art!  Lara and her talented wood craftsman boyfriend will start their own collaborative online art business called Collection Shed.  Joshua will make beautiful custom frames for Lara’s paintings!

Your children’s creativity and handicrafts skills will become great assets.   They have so much creative talent that it spills over into entrepreneur and job opportunities. They will start businesses, sell products at markets and online, work for art and animation studios, sell art via social media. All of them will develop wonderful unique artistic styles and their regular creativity will generate wonderful rich art portfolios. Your family will be known for its creative flair!   

You, too, will find great joy in doing creative projects, regularly sketching, painting, sewing, knitting, gardening and doing decor and DIY projects.  As your homeschooling journey nears the end, your lifestyle and time will allow for much more art and creativity, so it is a good thing to take part in arts and crafts with your children while they are still young.  Maintain your creativity as a hobby lifestyle, or as Charlotte Mason describes it as “Mother Culture” and you will have a fulfilling and joyful transition post homeschooling.

And very importantly, don’t be afraid of your children’s occasional boredom.  This time is the essential ingredient that is necessary for them to discover and develop their creativity!  In this day and age of constant stimulation and distraction, quiet undistracted time is a gift for creativity.  

Keep a simple schedule and avoid rush, stress and over-committed extra-mural activities.  Plan for days at home, free afternoons and long, unrushed weekends. 

Creativity also requires grace to learn, to experiment and to make mistakes. Offer your children and yourself gentle encouragement and avoid any comparisons.  Compliment and display your children’s art and keep trying new materials and techniques. 

Here are some wonderful creativity quotes ~

  • “Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world.”  Brene Brown
  • “Creativity is experimenting, growing, taking risks, making mistakes & having fun!” Mary Lou Cook
  • “Creativity takes courage.” Henri Matisse
  • “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” Albert Einstein
  • “You can’t use up creativity.  The more you use, the more you have.” Maya Angelou
  • “To live a creative life we must lose our fear of being wrong.” Joseph Chilton Pearce

With fondest love from your older and creative self, Nadene

I’d love to hear your views and thoughts on this topic!  Would you share yours in the comments below?

In case you missed any of my previous “Letters To Me” in this series:

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Letter 26 – True Skills

With two homeschool graduates now living independently, here’s another letter to my younger self reflecting on insights and thoughts of what important life lessons were required to complete our homeschooling journey ~

Letter 26 ~ True Skills

Dear younger Nadene,

In the beginning, when you began to homeschool your toddlers, it was all about exploration, discovery,  and learning about life.  You taught through play and read alouds, through experimentation and exploration.  But as soon as you bought a very expensive curriculum for each child, you became stressed, anxious, and hyper-focussed to “do it all right”.  You became “Mom-the-teacher” and you pushed, pressured, persuaded, pleaded and even punished your children to learn what “they were supposed to”.  You silly, fearful, stressed-out mom!

You pushed aside real-life for school-at-home.  Somehow, as your children entered junior and middle school, academics became the main focus and the measure of your and their success.  Remember homeschool is  “Learning Not SchoolIt is so easy to get bogged down with the curriculum, it’s schedule, your children’s academics and teaching school subjects.  And in its place, these things are important, but always look at the bigger picture.  What do your children really need to master by the time they graduate?

A real & whole education has very little to do with information — hello — everyone has Google at their fingertips!  Education is not merely schoolwork or subjects found in curriculums.  Of course, the importance of education is irrefutable.  But as your teenagers prepare to leave home (and heads-up — your middle daughter will launch out at 17!),  you will realize that there are many other essential life skills.

Can they look after themselves?  Can they relate well to others well?  Do they cope with difficulties, navigate huge challenges, or make big decisions?  Have they learnt how to manage their time and their money?  Do they know how to apply for jobs, sign for leases, open accounts, fill in tax forms?  Are they healthy and managing their eating and cooking?   (See more specific life skills in the lists below this letter.)

As you watch your young adult children, you will joyfully witness that they have learnt amazing life skills as they were growing up.  They are strong and mature.  They are wonderful, supportive friends, and are committed and loyal to their communities.  They have loving, stable relationships with their partners.  They can cook amazing, nutritional meals on a shoestring budget.  They make and keep a beautiful, clean house, and are wonderfully hospitable.   They work hard in their respective jobs, managing job performance with professional attitudes.  They handle conflicts and difficulties in relationships with maturity and grace.  They manage their money, making ends meet and living within their means.  They have a living faith in the Lord and entrust themselves to His word and ways.

And as for the rest, you will watch with a joyful expectation as they learn what they need to as they go along, growing in experience and competence as they figure things out. 

Don’t lose sight of the big picture!  It is so much more than mastering algebra or chemistry equations or acing the exams.  Real-life stuff cannot always be tested in the classroom.  Life will test what they really learnt! 

And, by God’s grace and mercy and lovingkindness alone, you will see that you have done well.   

With compassionate love and grace from your older self,

Love, Nadene

If you Google, you will find many lists of life skills your children need to learn before they graduate.  Here’s a compilation of many life skills needed ~

Emotional intelligence =

  • Mental health
  • Self-awareness
  • Self-regulation
  • Empathy
  • Coping with stress and failure
  • Critical thinking
  • Creative thinking
  • Decision making
  • Problem-solving

Communication & Relationships

  • Effective communication
  • Manners
  • Conflict resolution
  • Dating & Romantic Relationships
  • Marriage
  • Family & Raising kids
  • Professional Etiquette
  • Communication on the phone, SMS, texts & emails
  • How to Apply for a job

Financial literacy

  • Managing Money
  • Budgets
  • Savings & Investments
  • Credit Cards,  Hire purchase & Debt
  • Buying & Selling Car and Home
  • Taxes

Nutrition & Health

  • Understanding nutrition in food & its impact on health
  • Wholesome attitude to different eating plans & diets
  • Meal planning
  • Food budget
  • Cooking skills
  • Weight management
  • Self-care
  • Exercise
  • Supplements
  • First Aid & CPR
  • Family planning, Sex, STDs

Other

  • Time Management
  • Housekeeping
  • Management & Maintenance of home
  • Laundry
  • Survival Skills
  • DIY and Repair skills
  • Social Media
  • Addictions
  • Civics
  • Community
  • Politics

Some of these life skill lessons should start while your children are very young, while others are more important in high school. Some topics may not apply to your family or values, but most are vital skills your children need once they leave home.

I’d love to hear your views and thoughts on this topic!  Would you share yours in the comments below?

In case you missed any of my previous “Letters To Me” in this series:

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Letter 25 – Change

Another letter to my younger self reflecting on insights and understanding gained in my 23+ years of homeschooling.  As I share my hindsight perspective, I trust this will also be an encouragement to you in your homeschooling journey. ~ Letter 25 ~ Change

Dear younger Nadene,

Change is the only consistent character of life, so embrace it and anticipate it.  You will change — as a parent, as a  homeschool teacher, and definitely as a person. 

Your homeschooling methods will change as you learn how children naturally learn.  Your homeschooling ideals will change.  Do you remember your motto, “Nothing is cast in stone“?  This mindset is helpful as you prepare for each new season in your homeschooling and in your life in general.  Your experiences, both the good and the bad, will motivate you to try new approaches and abandon or accept others.  Your final years of high school homeschooling will be very different from the hopes and dreams you had back in the beginning. You will change as your children grow up and change. 

The most powerful words of encouragement to you in those early days of new motherhood and long, sleepless nights with your first baby was, “This too shall pass.”  Your children will change!  In many ways, you longed for change with thoughts of … “If only my baby slept through the night … if only she could sit on her own … if only she was potty-trained … if only she wasn’t so fearful and clingy … ”    Yet you loved each age and stage.  Despite this, you were often insecure when your children changed because everything felt uncertain and different.  Having the right attitude to change in your children is liberating.  The Lord heard and answered your prayers for each challenge and each new unknown.  He is faithful!

Look at your young adult daughters now!  Wow, how much they have changed!  Your intense and fearful young daughter will emerge as a posed and beautifully assured young woman. Your painfully shy daughter who refused to answer the door or speak on the phone will actually become your most confident, brave and self-assured child. You butterfly child will settle into herself and become steadfast, deep and mature. 

When your children are young, view at any limitation and simply add the word, “yet” … “My child cannot read/write/ ride a bike on her own … yet.”  See how that little word adds hope?  Hold onto hope!

Looking back now, you will see that when you did not put a label on a child’s behaviour or place a box on a child’s personality, you gave them the freedom to become, to change, to alter and to grow into the amazing, awesome people that they are now. 

Accepting change is a form of grace.  Be gracious to yourself and those you love.  With the Lord, your life is full of promise and blessing.  Trust Him for each child and for every change and you will experience the deep and abiding peace He brings.  

With compassionate love and grace from your older self,

Love, Nadene

I’d love to hear your views and thoughts on this topic!  Please, would you share yours in the comments?

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Letter 24 – Failure

Another letter to my younger self reflecting on insights and understanding gained in my 23+ years of homeschooling.  I trust this letter will also be an encouragement to you in your homeschooling journey. ~ Letter 24 ~ Failure

Dear younger Nadene,

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Failure feels dreadful and you will cry many tears over your failure to produce perfection in your homeschooling.  You need a huge hug right now, and let me assure you that you did not fail.  

May I suggest that your own idealism set you up for failure.  Especially in those early days, when it was rare and unusual to homeschool, you felt that you represented all  Christian homeschooling ideals,  You wanted to prove to your family and friends that you and your children were going to accomplish great things in and through homeschooling.  During those unsolicited conversations with strangers, you wanted to display that homeschooling was a superior choice.  And when your ability to “do it all” failed, or when your daughters fussed and fretted, and when there were tears and tantrums, you felt as if you were letting homeschooling in general down! 

Actually, you did an amazing job pioneering homeschooling in that small rural town!  Well done!  Through your family’s example, 9 other families found the courage to take their children out of public schools and begin homeschooling.  Your passion and vision was such an encouragement to these beginner families!  You hosted these families on your farm and mentored moms and encouraged them in their curriculum choices and homeschooling methods.  Your children, with all their natural traits and behaviours, were a wonderful demonstration of your family values and Christian living.  They were intelligent, dynamic and they each had amazing abilities and originality that inspired other parents to believe that their children would turn out okay. 

In the very beginning, you read Charlotte Mason books and followed several homeschool blogs and you felt that you had to measure up to their approaches, principles and methods.  This caused you to press and squeeze your poor young children to perform accordingly.  This caused dreadful stress and frustration.  You felt overwhelmed and exhausted.  You and your children became disillusioned and distressed and you came very close to burnout.  Instead, you finally learnt to let the schedule simply be your guide and allowed your homeschooling to develop according to each child’s personality and learning style.  

During the 18 months travelling around South Africa, following the wonderful  Footprints package, you discovered that your children learn so much from literature and from life.  But, sadly you still tried to make everything a lesson and your children hated you teaching all the time.  They eventually whined and refused to visit another museum and they’tuned out’ when your mommy-the-teacher-voice said, “Oh, look at this …. notice that … can you see? …”  It will take you another few years of their resistance and refusal for you to finally learn to step out the way and stop being the teacher.  This seeming “failure” was actually a wonderful lesson for you to learn to become your children’s facilitator instead.

Things will not go according to plan, especially when your daughters enter their teens.   This failure becomes more and more oppressive as they resist and reject your Charlotte Mason teaching and some important subjects, especially Bible Study. They will refuse to study further or go to college or do online courses. They will withdraw from you and you will take it all personally and cry many sad, defeated tears in private.  You will feel that you have no testimony, that you are somehow disqualified. 

You will feel judged, especially by your family.  Your parents will confront you and tell you how you have failed.  Your dad will email you rebukes with pages of teachings on “Finding your life’s purpose” with the hope that you will somehow persuade your teenage daughters to make better choices that will allow them to reach their full potential.  Your mom-in-law will repeatedly reprove you and your hubby for your failure to ensure that your daughters go onto to further studies or successful careers.  You will shed many tears in this phase of your homeschooling. 

These dark days will threaten to overwhelm you and you will withdraw and isolate yourself.  You will finally realize that you struggle with depression.  You and your hubby will talk late into the nights, worrying and praying about your children’s future.  You will feel helpless and lost and anxious about your children and you both parent on your knees, praying, interceding, surrendering and handing them over to the Lord.  You will find encouragement in the scripture promises and your faith will be tested and proven through these periods.

If I could encourage you about these teen years — cultivate heart-to-heart relationships with your daughters.  Remain gracious and open to their ideas, their fashion choices and decor style, to their music and movies and especially to their friends.  Support them and be there for them as they try new businesses, projects or jobs.  Don’t take their withdrawal personally.  It is not always about you.  If you can avoid being defensive, you will be the most wonderful stability and strength to them in their turbulent teen years.

Trust me,  dear younger Nadene, it will all work out as it should in the end.  Your daughters will go on to do amazing entrepreneurial endeavours.  They will navigate their post-homeschool graduate decisions with bravery and maturity and they will live meaningful and creative lives.  Your eldest will marry and become a precious, devoted wife and home-body and you will all rejoice in their pregnancy and watch as she prepares for their baby.   

You have done well and above all, the Lord is faithful!

With compassionate love and grace from your older self,

Love, Nadene

I’d love to hear your views and thoughts on this topic!  Please, would you share yours in the comments?

In case you missed any of my previous “Letters To Me” in this series:

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