Sad Tears

Getting Real ~

My sorrow suddenly crept up on me and it caught me off guard. Warm tears filled my eyes as I gently laid my hands on top of the piles of books in the still open boxes.  I pack the half-used highschool curriculum away, and I quietly realize that I feel sad.

These books are a wonderful curriculum and had I tried every which way to make it work, but my youngest daughter just did not connect with the package. The unread books simply became a boulder I felt I was pushing up a mountain.

“Have you read this week’s literature yet?” I would ask each week, knowing she had not.

We fell behind the already stretched out schedule and I finally admitted that it just would not work. We simply would not do the rest of the books.  It didn’t help if I read aloud to her.  The spark just wasn’t there.

It is not the unfinished course that bothered me. This happens, and I have learnt that when you force learning, it doesn’t stick. A child may have some short-term information, but, with no internal connections, it quickly fades.

I felt sad because there were treasures lying unopened in the box. Beautiful books, deep spiritual books, precious testimonies, amazing autobiographies, wonderful character-forming non-fiction books. I was sad for all these lost opportunities.

Perhaps, as I did in my early years of homeschooling, I could have pushed and insisted and maintained a stricter control over my daughter, but I did not. Maturity and two decades of homeschool experience have presented me with a different approach. One that recognises that I am simply a facilitator and encourager. My role as an educator is not to shove, push, pull, cajole, demand, insist, force, fret, or manipulate my child in her learning journey.

So, I acknowledge my feelings as I sit and cry for a little while. Then I wipe my eyes, neatly stack the books, pull the lid on and label the box. And it’s done. The era is over, that season is finished. I sigh and exhale the disappointment. I breathe deeply and accept what is and move on.

Sad tears as a part of letting go.

Blessings, Nadene
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20 thoughts on “Sad Tears

  1. Everyone of your posts speak to me, encourages me and this one does the same. The only thing that would be better if we could chat face to face. Thank you for always being transparent.

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  2. I homeschooled my three (now grown with families of their own) children. My girls graduated, but my son just didn’t “connect” all the way through to graduation either. However, God helped him get his GED in just 6 weeks later – on his own! God’s plan isn’t always our plan, but it is still ALWAYS a good one! 😊👍 You did your best and should be proud of your accomplishments 😊.

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  3. This is beautiful. Parenting is so full of such moments.We are preparing to move from the only home my daughter has ever known and I have been caught several times by sad tears. While I am excited for the future, letting go is never easy. Blessings!

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  4. Isn’t it wonderful how God teaches us, the moms, through homeschooling? Recognizing that our plans are not always the best plans–are not necessarily His plans. (Even when it makes us sad.) May He bless you as you look to Him for wisdom and guidance in the next step.

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  5. I’ve been there with one of mine too. A curriculum and method that just didn’t click, having to set aside much-loved methods because they just don’t gel with her style of learning. It certainly is sad for us as homeschool mums to let go and seek out a different way. Can I ask if your daughter will still be homeschooled? I ask because we went through the same as I mentioned but we just found another way that did work for her while being able to stay at home. I think the mourning of our ‘usual’ way was my grief, not hers as she is happily learning each day albeit not the way I envisioned.

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    • @Shirley Ann, I am so glad that you and your daughter found another way. My daughter is continuing her homeschooling, just with an eclectic curriculum that we put together for this year. She is happy and motivated and working, and so I am really not sorry that I packed away the half-used package. It was just my own emotional attachment to the unread books that I felt so suddenly. I am also aware that, because she is my last child to put through homeschool, that it is really an end of an era. Blessings and thanks for sharing!

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  6. Thank you for sharing your rawness, there is so much emotion involved in this homeschooling journey. Its true that what doesn’t work eventually needs to be put to the side so we can move on, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be tears and genuine sadness. You and your daughter are at different stages in life and appreciation for treasures and hopefully one day she will appreciate more what you tried to share with her. I was also a teenager once who refused to continue with violin, even though it was my parents’ desire and I have lived to realise my mistake. And now I have teenage daughters to love and make me appreciate my parents 🙂 Hugs to you xx

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    • @angietester01, thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I suppose it is hard to make choices when you are young that you don’t sometimes regret when you are older. In many ways, it is hard to let teens make hard choices, but it so necessary for them to find themselves in truth and not because they want to please their parents. I so appreciate your kindness and the hugs! Blessings!

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    • @Warwick Lj, I think that high school-aged homeschoolers are very different from younger children in that they become very involved in choosing what they want to learn. My kids all loved the curriculums I purchased when they were young, especially the literature-based curriculums.

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