Letter 11 – Teens

Letter to myselfHere’s the next letter my series ~ “Letter To Mereminding myself, and, hopefully encouraging other new homeschoolers,  with what I wish I had known when I started out on our homeschooling journey ~

Dear Nadene,IMG_20151224_194701

 Do not be afraid of the teen years!

When you start out, you may feel that you can cope with teaching your toddlers and middle schoolers, but may quake at the idea of homeschooling high schoolers.  Actually, be honest, you are scared of parenting teens …

Teaching high school maths isn’t really that difficult.  Remind yourself that if you have passed matric and have a diploma and a degree … you can do algebra and physics … or scratch pencil on paper until you have worked it out …  And if you can’t, you can find someone else to tutor your teen.  In fact, a tutor might be an excellent solution to the mom-teen-tensions and struggles!  I have heard many, many prospective parents refuse to consider homeschooling because they fear they will fail to teach high school subjects.  You don’t have to be a qualified teacher to homeschool your high schooler.  You are their facilitator and tutor.

Another huge shift is to sit next to your child and collaborate with their schooling choices.   This is very important.  Give your teen choices and work through options together.  From the simplest decisions like when and where they want to work, what format of notebook they will use, to how to study for exams, to what subjects they need and their career options. 

Don’t be afraid to set simple boundaries and insist on disciplined work.  Include dad in these discussions so that your teen doesn’t play one parent up against the other.

Create accountability sessions where you check your teen’s progress or sign off work.  Use a record of work page, a Homeschool Tracker or calendar to meet the course deadlines.  If you don’t, best prepare yourself for some serious delays, forgotten subjects, or even a course that simply doesn’t work out!  And if when it happens, you will learn how to take a deep breath and start over with a better plan of action.

Encourage entrepreneurship and provide opportunities to experience real-life and new adventures.  Develop their potential in creative and career exploits.  Meet with others who can affirm their passions and develop their skills.  Give them increasing independence and expect them to mature and become responsible. 

Remember that your teen goes through emotional rollercoaster days and weeks … and need you to remain calm and in control.   Your teens will withdraw.  You will feel uncertain and insecure.  Here’s the BEST advice I have ever received ~ “Don’t take it personally!  It is not about you!”  (given to me by my darling 14-year-old a few years ago.)

Above all, maintain heart-to-heart relationships with your teen.  Be flexible, available and gracious.  Hear their hearts.  Sit with them … listen … even if they don’t want to speak.  They feel so dreadfully insecure at times.  Listen to their music.  Chat to them about hairstyles and fashions.  Be open to new ideas!  Make tea or coffee dates and set aside special time alone with them.  Affirm them.  Champion them.  Have fun with them!

 I am so grateful for all these intimate, and challenging years with my daughters.  I would have lost this if they had gone to boarding school (our only option for our children going to public school.)  In these years of increasing and overwhelming peer pressure, homeschooling your teen is an enormous blessing! 

I am stunned and amazed by the gorgeous young women that my daughters are becoming and I am so grateful that we have homeschooled all the way through. 

You can do it!

With hindsight blessings,


I’d love to hear your views and thoughts on this topic!  Please, would you share yours in the comments?

In case you missed any of my previous “Letters To Me” in this series:

3 thoughts on “Letter 11 – Teens

  1. Phew these difficult years! (and mine oldest boy is only 14!) So hard not to take things personally! What a beautiful testimony this is, so so inspiring, and what a gift you have given them and yourself in climbing these big mountains! So much truth in hear that is so refreshing in this day and age of anxiety. I am encouraged and spurred on – even though not still homeschooling, this is wisdom for families that is so nurturing, thank you.


    • @Wild Way of Wonder, thanks for taking the time to write and share your personal thoughts. You are right, theses teen years are challenging for us moms who parent with certain expectations and ideas. It has taken me years to figure out that when a teen withdraws, sulks or goes silent, it usually has nothing to do with me. When I am not defensive or anxious, it is much easier to be that kind, available, listening ear that these struggling hormonal adolescents so desperately need, Blessings as you journey through your children’s teens!


  2. Thank you, Nadine, this post really encouraged me so much, I’m in the beginning of this stage with my twin girls. Thank you for sharing life. By the way I met your one daughter at Jakes and Linda once, a real precious young lady, full of life. Kind regards Dawn


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