Ultimate Goal = Independence

When I started out as a new mom, I was overwhelmed by the tremendous responsibility of raising such a needy, weak and fragile baby.  I remember thinking, one sleep-deprived night, while breastfeeding my baby, “If I can just make it through tomorrow …”


Goals were short back then – just to sleep through one night, introducing solid foods, potty training …

Once, when I consulted a mentor, she lovingly told me, “Little children, little problems.  Big children, big problems.” 

And it turns out she is right.   Sleepless nights, endless interruptions, toddler messes and wet beds cannot compare to the bigger issues we face as our children grow up and become independent.

When my first baby hit her Terrific Twos  (I don’t believe in the “terrible twos”), this amazing little person started to say, “I do it myself“, the glimmer of the ultimate goal emerged – Yes! Ultimately I will not be needed and she will do it all by herself.

Homeschool moms are full-time, they are everything for their children, but while this may seem overwhelming when raising little ones, things change as children mature, and goals alter.


As I sit for months and months with my child partner reading, I know that she will eventually read fluently and become independent.  Maths drills and handwriting exercises will fall away as they mature into middle and high school grades and those foundation lessons seamlessly grow into these new, complex activities.

May I humbly suggest you ~

Enjoy these intimate moments.

Love these shared lessons.

Savour your young child’s need of you.

Kiss and cuddle as much as you can!http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvDCiEFbNy8/TE1Q46SBc7I/AAAAAAAAU9Y/_Q891l5Lymk/s1600/Mary+Cassatt+(1844-1926).++A+Kiss+for+Baby+Anne+c+1897.jpg

Have fun!

Find joy in newness and discovery with them.

Make every moment matter.

Live without regrets, loving your child in all their love languages!

All too soon, your toddler is that tall teenager, frequently opening the fridge door to make his own snacks!  In a flash, you will find yourself standing with your 16 year-old while she applies for her own ID documents, or wait while your son completes his driver’s license. Or pray as your young adult starts his first full-time job.


And then they are grown up.  Almost. Independent.

I find myself needing more time with my 16 year-old.  There are so many things I want to share with her, so many areas of her life that I feel she needs to prepare for. 

I’m not ready for her to be independent.  Although she demonstrates such amazing skills and readiness to meet the adult world, she still needs more time to become more independent.


And humbly I realize that I may I not be the one to do all the rest.  I pray she finds great spiritual mentors, loving and caring adults and friends who will walk with her in grace and truth as she enters adulthood and independence.

Parenting is truly done on the knees.  Praying.

And that never ends.


(Featuring Mary Cassatt’s beautiful art work of mothers and babies.)

10 thoughts on “Ultimate Goal = Independence

  1. Pingback: Working Independently Yet Responsibly | Practical Pages

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  3. Beautifully said! Often I stop myself and gently remind that impatient, weary side of me to hold onto these precious moments! I know all too soon, the children will be grown and independent. Thank you for the reminder on your lovely site.


  4. Nadene,

    This was a timely read for me. My second bird just flew from the nest last week into his own little house about an hour from home. He is so ready to be out on his own at this point….but it took until he was 23 years old. I know with confidence that he is ready to take on total independence and be successful. We are praying for him every day to continue to mature into a man that can be used by God,

    It does go by fast but when you see them ready to spread their wings and that they are learning to rely on their heavenly Father for things, you know it is time.

    Thanks for the post and the thoughts. I hope a lot of moms read and take to heart your message. 🙂


    • @Barb, your high school homeschooling posts have been a real encouragement for us! You have a real Titus 2 ministry to younger mothers and bravely inspire us to lead our young adult children and trust their growing independence. Thank you for your encouragement.


  5. Oh, Nadene, did you have to make me cry right now? 😉 I was just lecturing my 8yo on how she has to try harder in math as it was her job. The Lord has convicted my heart in this. Yes, she needs to develop some perseverence, but nagging and lecturing her is not always the way. Reminding me how this early math seamlessly flows into more mature math was exactly what I needed to hear today. I am put in my place, and it is a wonderful thing. Thank you.


    • Oh Julie, I also weep when I realize that I have grieved the Lord with my words and actions. It is a blessing that He gives us simple truths and His wisdom to lead, disciple and teach our children. Isn’t He gracious too, to give His mercy and grace fresh each day? Much grace to you 🙂


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