When there are problems …

Every now and then a child reveals some area of weakness.  They may have a physical, scholastic, intellectual, perceptual, sensory, emotional or spiritual problem …

Crying Child

Is it true that moms are only as happy as their UNHAPPIEST child?

I become distressed and anxious when a difficulty remains unsolved despite my best efforts …

Often my anxiety is based on this concern – Am I good enough?  Can I really do this?  Am I a good teacher/ Mom?

My husband is the most wonderful balancing factor when I lose perspective.  He is not focused on their academic performance.  He’s not their teacher and it is not his ability in question.  He looks at the child’s character and how this problem will present itself later in life.

Here are some of his questions:

  • Have I taken this to the Lord?
  • How will this affect her when she leaves home?
  • How will this prevent her from growing up as a balanced adult?
  • Will the remedy or solution draw attention to her weakness and cause her to lose confidence?
  • Can I build on her strengths?
  • Do we have to fix this now? Why the panic?
  • She is young and time and maturity may remedy this weakness.

We talk through these questions and then seek the Lord.

When I look at the situation through the Lord’s eyes, I usually receive His grace and mercy.  The Lord is always full of compassion, full of joy and strength and in Him I can breathe, surrender and stop worrying.  The Lord is faithful to lead me.

Prayer fortifies me.  I know that nothing is impossible for God.  He is not dismayed.  He is not taken by surprize.  After prayer I often find a starting point.  I may find the right therapy, information, website,  book or a technique.

We as parents have decided never to discuss our children’s weaknesses with others. This shames them.  If they hear us speak, it should always be uplifting.  So, it usually remains with us and the Lord.  As I look back over my journal, I see that some problems were resolved without any intervention and effort on my part.  My fixing would have made it worse!

With the benefit of experience I have seen how problems are not all earth-shattering.  B/D reversals, reluctant reading, mathematic meltdowns, mood swings, poor spelling … are not lifelong issues.  With time, remedial intervention, sensitive obedience to the Lord, we find a plateau … and look back at the mountain we climbed … and it wasn’t that bad …

The Lord wants me to serve my children.

They are His, for His service.

What does He want me to build in their lives so that they will go on to become the handmaidens He designed ?

What has the Lord shown you when your children have had their difficulties?

13 thoughts on “When there are problems …

  1. I agree with you that we, home school moms, are in danger to be over-focused on our children’s difficulties with learning or living. I also second your remark that lots of little problems solve over time by (apparently) doing nothing.
    It is a strange paradox we, home school moms, have to face: on the one hand we put all our energy in increasing happiness, stability, learning, and good personal growth for our children, while on the other hand, we should never forget that aiming for a non-stop 100% happy, 100% healthy and no-problem kind of life for our kids is a neurotic ambition.
    I think it comes down to love. If you love your child and your child feels loved, your child becomes a solid person.

    Like

  2. Thank you Nadene
    For todays posting right when I needed it. I have five children three of
    which have aspergers and today has been one of those days, you know the kind
    I mean. The Lord sure does use each of our children to teach us something.
    Some of our children just offer us more lessons than the others I supposes.
    But God in his grace provides other who have trodden the path before and we
    hear his words of wisdom through them.
    Thanks from your sister in Christ
    Samantha

    Like

  3. This is such a timely post for me! Over the last week I have been feeling rather anxious with thoughts “is my child up to where he should be”? etc, etc, and these thoughts are what make me ‘feel’ inadequate as a homeschooling mother.

    This is when I lose my peace for I have taken my eyes off Jesus and put them on me and my strengths. Jesus always reminds me that all children learn at there own pace and if they are going forward then that is all that matters!

    Thanks again for reminding me that I am not the only one that has those feelings!🙂

    xxx

    Like

  4. When my oldest was younger, I got a shock when he said “I think I will kill myself tomorrow”. I very quickly worked out he needed his “love tank” filled way more than it had been. I was such a perfectionist, I had forgotten to give praise for effort instead of finding all the little slight errors in his work. He needed more physical touch than I was giving naturally, I really had to work on remembering that every day, still do.
    Sleep can be another aspect to look at – lack of enough rest would affect anyone negatively.

    Like

  5. Hi Nadene,

    Thanks for leaving a message on my blog (Bugs, Beetles and Barefoot days) I have visited your blog before without realising that you too are a fellow S African! Nice to ‘meet’ you!
    Blessings
    Shirley

    Like

  6. I often learn as much from my children as I teach. Thanks for the reminder to help our children build character. That really is our mission.

    Ada

    Like

  7. Thank you so much for this post. As a homeschooling Mom it can be easy to lose perspective on our child’s overall well-being. Getting focused on academics and losing sight of all the wonderful things we do for their moral well-being is all too common. Thank you again!

    Like

    • Thanks Alexis, I call it TLP – temporary loss of perspective! PTL God is faithful to renew our perspective!🙂

      Ada, this mission is long-term and we need support and encouragement along the way – thank you for yours!

      Crissy, thanks for your reminder to give our children due praise and fill their love tanks! And to care for our needs physically (and spiritually).

      Sarah, making any comparisons will produce negative results = pride or despair. That is why it is good to see our children develop and progress at their own pace and rejoice in the Lord.

      Samantha, may God give you all the grace you need to face the challenges in your family daily. I think that I am grateful to NEED the Lord more when there are difficulties … if everything went along smoothly, I’m sure I would not turn to the Lord as I do during these times. Compassion is the gift God gives us to share with others who struggle through the hurts and despair we have also faced.

      Blessings,
      Nadene

      Like

  8. I want to thank you. You are by far the most encouraging homeschool encourager I have ever read. Thank you for this post. I have been struggling with the why am I doing this I am not good enough battle for a long time. This is very practical and biblical advice and something I will be printing and implementing today. Thank you for being so encouraging and practical and creative. I love your emails. Thanks again.

    Like

  9. I’m glad I read this today and not when you posted it – not only are your words good and helpful; the commenters added so much. And the term, TLP (Temporary Loss of Perspective) is a useful one! We all get it sometimes.

    Like

  10. Pingback: One Lovely Blog Award « A Franglais Education

  11. Pingback: Is it b or d? New Posters for b/d Reversal | Practical Pages

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s